Sunday, May 22, 2016

I'VE MOVED ON BUT MY PUBLIC IS STUCK IN MY PAST!

HEY EVERYONE! Much LOVE N RESPECT!
I am writing this to say how much I THANK U LUSTFUL PEOPLE 😘AND THOSE OF YOU THAT FEEL I NEED MORE SUCCESS THEN WHAT YOU HAVE ASSUMED I MUST NOT HAVE AND OR ALREADY ACHIEVED!

From time to time lately, I find myself having to clear up what it is that I AM and NOW DOING!

I can only attribute this to two things!

First LET ME SAY THIS TO EVERYONE OLD AND NEW AGAIN!

I #SAXXX REALLY DO NOT CONSIDER MYSELF A PORNSTAR! ( I WAS TOLD BY QUITE A FEW TIMES BY REAL LIFE PORNSTARS WHAT A REAL #BONOFIDE PORNSTAR IS AND WHAT I DO AND HAVE NEVER NOR WILL EVER ACCOMPLISH IS BEING THERE DEFINITION OF A PORNSTAR)

I FEEL A REAL PORNSTAR ARE THOSE THAT HAVE DONE THE WORK AND RECEIVED THE AWARDS THAT GO WITH OVER 300 SCENE'S, DVD's, ETC! TO BE GIVEN AND RECOGNIZED BY SIN CITY AGENTS AND BIG WIGS!

Now I MAYBE WRONG, BUT IT'S WHAT I CONSIDER AND APPRECIATED ABOUT TRUE #PORNSTARS! Examples: VANESSA BLUE, VANESSA DEL RIO, JADA FIRE, LUCAS, JOHN E. DEPTH, SHAWN MICHAEL, DANNY BLAQ!

I NAME THESE CAUSE I KNOW THEM AS HARD WORKING, TONS OF DVDS, MAGS, AWARDS! I KNOW THERE OTHERS BUT I LIKE GIVING PROPS TO THOSE I'M A FAN OF!

Now back to my SECOND REASON!

And I was just discussing this with my 31 year old daughter!
More and MORE! The NEWER GENERATION IS BLURRING THE LINES OF EVERYTHING!
Now while I FEEL FOR THE MOST PART THIS IS A GOOD THING!
I SEE IT ALSO CAUSING GREAT CONFUSIONS!

BECAUSE IT SEEMS MOST NOW DAYS SEE ANYTHING SEXUAL ON FILM MAKES YOU AN INSTANT PORNSTAR! ( NOT SO TRUE TO ME) STOP THINKING THAT!
STOP ASSUMING AND THEN MAKING YOUR THOUGHTS OF ME AS "SAXXX YOU SHOULD DO THIS AND THAT IF YOU WANNA SUCCEED AND BE SOME BODY A (STAR, A PORNSTAR)

PEOPLE I HAVE DONE THAT IN MY 20's and 30's....   YOU ASSUME THINGS CAUSE YOU DONT READ MY BIO, BLOGS, SCROLL MY TIMES, GOOGLE MY AKA's

I AM ALL GOOD DOING WHATEVER THE FUCK I CHOOSE TO WAKE UP AND GOD GIVES MY STRENGTH AND BREATH TO DO!
I MAY WANT TO LIVE OFF MY ESCORTING AND ENJOYING THE GREAT GUYS I MET THAT WINE AND DINE FOR DONATIONS AND BECAUSE I LIKE THE WHOLE DATING FOR PAY, I GET SOME LUST TIME IN WITHOUT HAVING TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP!
PEOPLE I GOT MY DISABILITY AND SAVINGS! AND I GOT DAYS I MAY NOT WANT TO BE BOTHERED AND JUST PLAY WITH MY GRAND CHILDREN!  AND NOW LET MY FAME DIE DOWN SO I CAN KINDA BE A LITTLE MORE DISCREET AND STAR SHOWING RESPECT AND A LITTLE MORE RESERVE FOR MY GRANDS FUTURE!
UNDERSTAND! I KNOW WHAT IM DOING WHEN IT COMES TO MY LIFE, MY CHOICES, YOU ONLY THINK YOU KNOW ME!
SEE IF PEOPLE WOULD READ BEFORE THEY ASSUME SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE THEY THINK THEY KNOW ALL ABOUT THEY WOULD KNOW SAXXX'S TRUTHS!

Like OVER TWO YEARS AGO I DECIDED TO NOT PURSUE BEING A PORNSTAR ANYMORE! PEOPLE ALTHOUGH I LOOK FINE AND I CAN THROW DOWN SEXUALLY, I ABSOLUTELY HATE THE RUTHLESSNESS OF THE INDUSTRY!
NO OFFENSE, BUT THE PEOPLE THAT CALLED AND EMAIL AND SPOKE TO ME WITH SUCH NASTINESS, THE VERY FEW PEOPLE I DID TRY DOING SHIT WITH, LETS JUST SAY AFTER A FEW YEARS OF THAT MADNESS AND NOT BEING PAID MY WORTH ON TOP OF ALL THE BS!  SAXXX JUST DECIDED FUCK IT!

ID RATHER MAKE WHAT I WANT BEING AN ESCORT!

THIS WAY I DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THE PROBLEMS, WORRIES, AND DRAMA OF WHO I GOTTA STAY ON TOP OF ABOUT MY CONTENT, IF IMMA GET IT BACK OR MY COPY! AM I GONNA GET STUCK IN A ROOM OUT AT THE AWARDS TRYING TO HELP A TEAM REPRESENT OUR BRAND WITH FIVE OR NOT VERY WELL MANNERED PEOPLE WITH THAT ALWAYS 1-2 BROTHERS TRYING TO FUCK U, THEN SNEAK OTHER BITCHES IN AROUND MY VALUABLES TO FUCK, CAUSE THEY TO LAME TO GET ANOTHER ROOM, SO IM STUCK DEALIN WITH THIRSTY BULLSHIT AND MONEY, SHOES EVEN MY OUTFITS BEING STOLE!

PEOPLE OLD AND NEW LISTEN WHEN I TELL YOU!
Im OF A CERTAIN AGE, IM A SCORPIO, I HAVE CERTAIN REQUIREMENTS!

I AM NOT A TEENAGER OR A YOUNG LADY! NOR AM I THIRSTY FOR DICK, OF ANY SIZE OR RACE! NOR DO I EVEN GET EXCITED ANYMORE ABOUT WHAT MOST DO ABOUT FUCKING! WHEN ITS WITH A STRANGER, ITS A JOB FOR ME, NOT A FREAKING HAPPY GO LUCKY PAST TIME!

I NOW FILM WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT AND WITH WHOM I WANT AND POST, UPLOAD IT WHERE I WANT, BECAUSE I WANT! ITS NOT TO BE THE BADEST BITCH, ITS TO MAKE ENDS AND KEEP MY VIPS AND POSSIBLE VIPS ENTERTAINED!

IF I WANT A WEBSITE, A MAG, OR WHATEVER, I NOW KNOW NOW TO DIY, I CAN DO IT FOR MYSELF! BUT TRULY IM JUST RELAXING AND ENJOYING MY LIFE AS I PLEASE, I DONT FEEL LIKE ALL THAT RIGHT NOW! Okay PEOPLE?😂

SOME OF YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THIS, I AM NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO ASSUME OF ME!

I AM AS DIFFERENT OF A PERSON JUST YOU ARE TO EVERYONE ELSE!

MY LIFE, MY NEEDS, MY WANTS, MY DREAMS, MY UPS, MY DOWNS, MY THOUGHTS .... ARE NOT YOURS! NOR SHOULD YOU BE SO ASSURED THAT WHAT YOU FEEL MY LIFE AND BIZ SHOULD AND OR BE SO MUCH BETTER IF I DID THINGS YOUR WAY PEOPLE!

DO YOU AND STOP TRYING TO TELL ME HOW TO DO ME OR ASSUMING WHAT YOU DO....

I WILL BE AND JUST WHAT MY LIFE NEEDS ME TO AND IN GODS PERFECT TIMING, CERTAINLY NOT YOURS OKAY!

SINCERELY SAID WITH LUV,
SAXXX BKA #SAXXX JUST

Monday, May 2, 2016

Sunday, May 1, 2016

HEY SAXXXNATION! SAXXX's GOT HER MOJO BACK! #LMFAO YES!

HEY HEY SAXXXNATION! video ARE YOU READY FOR SOME EROTIC FUN AGAIN OUT OF SAXXX BKA SAXXXJUST4U!

WELL IM ON IT! POSTED SOME NEW VIDS TO 
WWW.RUDE.COM/SAXXXJUST4U
Im Going To GET AROUND TO MORE BUT HEY I BE WORKING ON SHIT IN BETWEEN OTHER THINGS #LMFAO SO CHECK THIS, I POSTING AGAIN! IM HAPPY AND CREATING
Once again! So Let's Have Some Happy Erotic Fun!
FOR MY #MSJ #SASJ4U #VIPS #FANS #FOLLOWERS
YOU ARE WHO MY FUN IS INTENDED FOR!

Saturday, April 30, 2016

SAXXXNATION SAXXX IS MOVING ON

Hey Hey MY SAXXXNATION!
        It's EVERYONE FAVORITE CRAZY SEXY ASS MILF SAXXX BKA SAXXXJUST4U!

Boy oh boy have I been having a time! But Ive been moving on, little by little, slowly but surely!

Im happiest when Im entertaining my #FANS AND #MSJ #SASJ4U  #VIPS!
I have tried alot of other things, but my heart is with my one on one interactions!
Or when entertaining such as I do when Im hosting #DB's and I #SWINGERS #PARTIES AND #EVENTS!

I been enjoying myself here in my lil studio, getting in so Great #Solo and hand pick non porn biz talents! I bet you want to know why I use non porn biz people huh?

Well it's the fresh fun non thirsty vibe they bring to the film! (NOTHING AGAINST PORN OR THE BIZ)

I just rather deal with people not looking for anything out of me other then to have fun n please me as I do them!

Plus it is so fucking frustrating  the hundreds of emails, text, calls, that the guys with the camera or the guys begging me to fuck them so they become a freakin pornstar!

And NO MATTER how many times I or my PORNSTAR FRIENDS TELL them, just because u fuck a girl (SAXXX) DOES NOT MAKE U A PORNSTAR! Hell IM NOT EVEN A PS BY PORNSTAR STANDARDS! Lmfao

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS ON FILM FUCKING DOES NOT MAKE YOU A FUCKING PORNSTAR PEOPLE!

Anyways, whew! Yeah see that shit get me worked up! People I just like filming my erotic fun, nothing planned out, No film crew, No team, NO MALE OR FEMALE PRO PORN TALENTS, NO FOOTAGE EXCHANGING, NO DRAMA!

IT'S JUST ME AND YOU HAVING GREAT EROTIC FUN AMATEUR STYLE!

I KNOW PEOPLE SOME OF YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I WOULDN'T WANT TO DO IT THE WAY EVERYONE ELSE IS!

SEE THATS IT RIGHT THERE! Im NOT EVERYONE ELSE!

Im HAPPY though! (ISN'T THAT ALL THAT MATTERS)

So I been filming my lil things and well posting bit by bit!
I mostly WANT YOU MY FANS AND VIPS TO JUST BE ABLE TO ENJOY ME "SAXXX" BEING AUTHENTIC, BEING REAL! Being my fun loving crazy sexy self!

IM NOT LOOKING TO BE IN OR ON OTHER PEOPLE DVD'S , MAGAZINES, OR WHATEVER ANYMORE! People I DID ALL THAT!
NOW IM WANTING TO ENJOY DOING WHATEVER I WANT OF MY OWN FOR MY OWN ESTEEM, BIZ, HAPPINESS!

Example: HAVE YOU EVER GIVING ALL U HAD TO YOUR FAMILY OR SAY A CLOSE FRIEND AND TURN AROUND AND FIND YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LEFT NOT EVEN THE FREAKIN STRENGTH YOU FEEL FOR YOUR OWN DAM SELF?

THATS HOW I FEEL, IM SO DAM TIRED OF DOING FOR OTHERS AND OVERLOOKING MY DAM SELF! I HAVE DONE THIS FOR YEARS, IM ABOUT TO BE 50 YEARS OF AGE NEXT YEAR! IM DONE DOING FOR OTHERS!

SO NOW IM ALL ABOUT ME AND WHAT EVER AND HOW EVER I DO AND OR GET WHAT I WANT DONE!

CAN YOU DIG!

SAXXXNATION I THANK YOU FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT LIKE WHATEVER IT IS I DO!

I GREATLY APPRECIATE YOU ALL! EVERYONES #FAVORITE SEXY CRAZY ASS MILF
SAXXX BKA #SAXXXJUST4U

XOXO

WWW.RUDE.COM/SAXXXJUST4U
WWW.TWITTER.COM/SAXXXJUST4U 
WWW.TUMBLR.COM/SEXYASSSAXXX 
WWW.NITEFLIRT.COM/MsSAXXX

Sunday, April 10, 2016

FUNNY HOW PEOPLE TELL YOU TO BE REAL, BUT WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN IS

Funny How people always telling me to BE REAL 100?, But what I've come to learn what they Really mean is for me to be REALLY FAKE! And OR GOOD AT FAKING and FRONTING!

NO BODY WANTS THE TRUTH, I MEAN I ACCEPTED IT WHEN PEOPLE, SO CALLED CLOSE FRIENDS CALL ME A CRAZY BLACK BITCH IN MY FACE AND BEHIND MY BACK AND OTHERS COME TELL ME!

But dammit if I tell some of MY TRUTHS, how I feel, MY WISDOMS, My LIFE, My likes and or DISlikes (SHIT SINCE PEOPLE LIKE TO CHAT SO DAM MUCH) LOL! and yet STILL BE THAT SEXY CHICK THAT CAN SQUIRT AND SUCK A DICK SO GOOD IT MAKE MENS HEADS EXPLODE!

LOL IT'S ALL GOOD THOUGH CAUSE THOSE THAT CAN'T DEAL AND OR FIND MY OPENESS AS REFRESHING, NEW AND DOWN RIGHT SINCERE, AUTHENTIC CARING!

   
LET IT BE DUDES THAT'S JUST LOOKING TO USE AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME IN AND ON FILMING, THERE WEBSITES, ETC OR THOSE THAT JUST WANT TO GET WITH ME FOR WHATEVER REASON AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO OFFER ME OF ANY WORTH! 

*DROP OFF AND GO YOUR WAY BE BLESSED!*

#TRUTH IS, IM NOT IN THIS BIZ TO JUST FUCK EVERY DUDE THAT WANTS ME, BECAUSE THEY SAY SO? AND IT WILL MAKE THEM AND OTHERS HAPPY WITH ME!


#TRUTH IS, I GOT SMART TO THE GAMES BEING PLAYED IN AND WITH CERTAIN SHADY CHARACTERs IN "THE BIZ" AND AFTER GOING BROKE AND HOMELESS HELPING THOSE DUDES WITH CAMERAS, I DECIDED ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

#TRUTH IS, IM IN THIS FOR DONATIONS, GIFTS, REAL HELP, IN MY DAY TO DAY LIVING AND IF SHARING MY BODY WITH YOU GETS ME THAT THEN IM ALL GOOD, WE DONT HAVE TO BE ANYTHING TO EACH OTHER, OTHER THEN THAT! 

#TRUTH IS, IM NOT A CLINGY, NEEDY FEMALE, I DONT MIND BEING OUT HERE ON MY OWN! 

#TRUTH IS I AM STRONG ENOUGH TO AND REAL ENOUGH TO SAY JUST WHATS ON MY MIND, SO IT DOESN'T GET BOTTLED UP ON THE INSIDE A SLOWLY KILL ME!

#TRUTH IS, WHEN KEEPING IT REAL GOES WRONG!? Is A LIE!
CAUSE YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG WITH THE TRUTH!

"BELIEVE EVERYTHING DONE N THE DARK WILL EVENTUALLY COME TO THE LIGHT"

SO FOR ALL THAT CAN'T STAND ME AND OR MY TRUTHS, HOW I AM, MY CHARACTER, MY FLAWS, MY FUNNY SPIRIT AND THAT I WON'T ALLOW YOU TO JUST WALK ALL OVER ME AND USE MY BODY!?  
COOL, WHEW! HOPEFULLY I WILL NEVER DEAL WITH CAUSE I DONT NEED NOR WANT PEOPLE LIKE YOU!

I LIKE REAL GENUINELY, AUTHENTIC SINCERE, HONEST, STRAIGHT SHOOTERS, WORTHWHILE, GENEROUS MINDED PEOPLE!

NOT FUCKING #PARASITE!   NON HUMANS WHO TAKE TAKE TAKE AND LEAVING NOTHING BUT WASTE BEHIND THEM!

#SORRYBUTNOTSORRY
IM DOING DAM GOOD!
I WILL #SURVIVE! I AM #SAXXX BKA #SAXXXJUST4U I AM #REAL AND I KEEP ALL I DO N SAY %100

My #TRUE #FANS, #FOLLOWERS #MSJ #VIPS LIKE ME JUST AS I AM!

PS. GUYS IF YOUR LOOKING FOR MY NASTY STUFF PIX AND VIDEOS 
GO TO :
WWW.TUMBLR.COM/SEXYASSSAXXX 
OTHERWISE

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Ok SAXXXNATION Moving FORWARD

IN MY LAST POST I CALL MYSELF INFORMING MY #FANS AND #FOLLOWERS A VERY HARD THING TO SHARE WITH STRANGERS THAT MAY NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOU REALLY!

Sincerely you as my fan and followers, I Tried to explain me having both PHYSICAL and MENTAL DISABILITIES!

Because I wanted you to somehow get an UNDERSTANDING!

I not only deal with FANS from all Walks of life! BUT WITH ALL TYPES OF PERVY WAYS AND DEMANDS! I know I picked this line of work, but things have changed and so have I.

IM ONLY DEALING WITH WHAT I CAN, YOU MAY NOT GET IT BUT IM DOING WHAT MY DISABILITIES WILL ALLOW!

Thanks for being MY #FANS and #FOLLOWERS and purchasing my CLIPS4SALE AND RUDE FLIX ALWAYS EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS!

My HEALTH ISSUES PREVENT ME FROM INTERACTING WITH MOST. (I NO LONGER DEAL WITH MOST IN THE ADULT BUSINESS ARENA ANYMORE OR THOSE THAT CARRY A CAM. )

My ISSUES OF MISTRUST AND ABUSE KEEPS ME VERY DEPRESSED AND BECAUSE OF MY BIPOLAR AND PTSD, WELL I FEEL VERY UN EASY WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE ESPECIALLY WHEN IM BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF!

This is my reason for some days me NOT feeling and or sounding AS OTHERS IN THE BIZ (AT MY BEST )!

BUT I AM TRYING TO MOVE ON AND IN MOVING ON I NO LONGER REALLY DO OR DEAL WITH MOST I USTO IN THE ADULT BIZ!
Nothing AGAINST THEM, IT MORE OF THE WAY MY #PTSD MAKES ME FEEL!

EXAMPLE: HAVE YOU EVERY HAD A BOYFRIEND AND OR GIRLFRIEND THAT STOLE, FROM YOU CHEATED AND THERES NOMORE LOVING FEELINGS AND WHEN U WALK DOWN THE STREET AND U SEE THEM HEADED TOWARDS YOU, YOU CROSS THE STREET! Or one of your friends ask you how ur girl n or guy doing and you wanna PUKE!

Yeah thats how I Feel! Along WITH RAGE!

So #FANS AND #FOLLOWERS, I HAD FUN WHILE I WAS DOING ALL THAT TRYING TO GET ME MY OWN LIL BIZ OFF THE GROUND SO ID HAVE SOMETHING TO HELP ME WITH MY DISABILITIES AND I DONT REGRET TJE EXPERIENCES!
BUT I NO LONGER WANT THAT AND OR PEOPLE LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE ANYMORE! I CAN'T MENTALLY DEAL WITH #SHADY PEOPLE!

SO IN MOVING FORWARD I AND MY COUNSELORS FOUND IT BEST I DO MY OWN THINGS AND WITH MY OWN HAND PICKED PEOPLE, AND MY WAY!

Now Ive said this pretty much all before, but it Was directed to certain people and I Never gave a reason as to why!

I DONT WORK WELL WITH OTHERS ANYMORE!
I ONLY FEEL COMFORTABLE DOING MY 1ON1 INTERACTION!
It MAKES ME FEEL BETTER, SAFER, SUPPORTED, NEEDED IF JUST FOR A MOMENT!

YOU UNDERSTAND ME!

#FANS AND #FOLLOWERS I WILL ALWAYS BE DOING MY FILMS AND EROTIC EXCITING THINGS I DO FOR YOU!
BUT GUYS IM NO LONGER IN WITH THE ADULT IN CROWD! NEITHER DO I WANT TO BE, IT ALL JUST KEEPS ME UPSET AND ANGRY!
I FIND MY OWN GUYS THAT SPEAK AND TREAT ME KINDLY TO FILM WITH ON MY OWN!

I MEAN DONT YOU GUYS DO THE SAME! I FILM MY THINGS WHEN I CHOSE TO FILM WITH PEOPLE THAT I FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH, WITH THOSE THAT DONT MAKE FUN OF MY DISABILITIES!

Well Im HOPING THIS ENLIGHTENS THOSE ITS MEANT TO!

I THANK YOU FOR TAKING TIME TOP READ THIS!

EVERYONE HAVE A GOOD ONE OKAY

SINCERELY UR CRAZY SEXY ASS GAL PAL AND #MILF #SAXXX #SAXXXJUST4U #SEXYASSSAXXX #MSSAXYJACKSON #MsSaXyJ

PS. This Was Fun Im WRITHING AND POSTING THIS FROM MY PHONE COOL HUH!😁😘💋💌

Friday, April 1, 2016

OPEN LETTER TO MY #FANS #FOLLOWERS

Hi #SAXXXNATION #GANS AND #FOLLOWERS, THIS IS FOR YOU!

I ADORE EACH AND EVERYONE OF MY FANS BELIEVE ME, YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME!

I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT FOR EVERYONE OF YOU THAT HAS GOOD PROPER SEXY FUN NONE THREATHING BEHAVIOR I HAVE AT SO MANY OTHERS THAT ARE NOT PROPER AT ALL!
PEOPLE WILL SAY IT GOES WITH THE TERRITORY AND I UNDERSTAND THAT!

BUT I REALLY WANT MY TRUE GOOD FANS TO KNOW I TRY MY BEST TO IGNORE, MOVE ON, LET GO OF ETC. PEOPLE THAT CRITICIZE, AND CREEP ME OUT!

#SAXXXNATION its not easy being me!
I have had much more then you all have seen going on in my life and I have worked hard at dealing with things because I TRULY love the art of PASSION!

But I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH SEVERAL HEALTH ISSUES THAT HAVE BECOME WORST AND I HAVE TO SHOUT OFF AND OUT SOME THINGS!

I NEVER BELIEVED THIS STUFF IS REAL, BUT I SUFFERED A REALLY BAD HEAD INJURY THAT I HAVE SPOKEN ABOUT FROM TIME TO TIME WHEN I SPEAK OUT ON DOMESTIC ABUSE!

MY DOCTOR ARE SAYING THIS MAY HAVE CAUSE MY CONDITION YO WORSEN! IM VERY SAID ABOUT IT, BUT I HAVE ALWAYS PRIDE MYSELF ON BEING STRAIGHT FORWARD AND HONEST WITH YOU ALL MY #FANS AND #FOLLOWERS!

SO I HOPE THAT MOST OF YOU WILL TRY AND UNDERSTAND I HAVE TO TRY AND MANAGE THE STRESSES IN MY LIFE IF IM TO LIVE WITH THESE ISSUES PROPERLY!

IT'S WHY I TELL GUYS I DONT DEAL WELL WITH YOU TALKING AND BEHAVING RUDE, PUSHY, AGGRESSIVE,THUG, PIMP, DOMINATE  WEIRD, CREEPY, STALKER ETC TYPES!

I WENT THROUGH ALL THIS WITH 2 HUSBANDS, N BAD BOYFRIENDS! ALONG WITH BEING PHYSICALLY ABUSE BY THEM!

SO AS SOON AS I HEAR A GUY COME OUT THERE MOUTH IN THAT CERTAIN WAY I BEGIN TO PANIC! I CANT EVEN WATCH OVERLY AGGRESSIVE HARDCORE PORN IT GIVES ME FLASH BACKS! Im Not Kiding it why I CHOSE TO JUST STOP TRYING TO BE IN THAT BUSINESS, BECAUSE MOST THE MALES SPEAK TO YOU LIKE YOUR A PIECE OF NOTHING AND THERE TREATMENT OF YOU ISNT ANY BETTER, I HAVE SEEN IT FOR MYSELF AND THE BIGGER I HOT THE MORE I SAW AND THE MORE I STARTED TO DISLIKE THE BEHAVIOUR OF SOME, NOT ALL BUT ENOUGH TO WHERE I SAID SAXXX THIS IS NOT FOR YOU! (I ADORE PASSIONATE PORN)

I STOP TRYING TO EVEN DATE BECAUSE I DONT FEEL IM EVER AGAIN GOING TO BE CAPABLE AND OR EVEN WANT TO BE A MANS WOMAN AGAIN!
I HATE BEING HURT! DONT YOU?

BUT #SAXXXNATION TRULY I SUFFER MENTALLY WITH ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION BIG TIME! AND IM NO LONGER ABLE TO HIDE IT OR COVER OT UP FOR THE BENEFITS. OF SAVING FACE FOR ME OR MY SO CALLED FRIENDS ANYMORE!

I HAVE TO VERY SERVER ISSUES ONES PTSD AND THE OTHER IS BI POLAR! PEOPLE LET ME TELL YOU, THESE AREN'T NO JOKE! SOME DAY I WAKE UP AND IM LIKE WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL HERE AND I JUST CRY ALL DAY LONG!
Other DAYS IM READY TO CONQUER THE WOULD LAUGHING AMD VERY PRODUCTIVE! BUT LIKE FROM 0-100 I WILL SNAP DEFENDING!

IM ALWAYS ON EDGE AROUND AGGRESSIVE PPL ESPECIALLY MEN!

I GUESS ITS FROM ALL THE ABUSE I SUFFERED AT THE HANDS OF MEN!

I LOVE MEN, I JUST WISH SOME WAY OF DETERMINING WHICH ONES WONT PHYSICALLY AND OR VERBALLY ABUSE AND HURT YOU!

SO I APOLOGIZE TO ALL YOU REALLY SINCERELY GOOD AND KIND GUYS! YOUR WORDS DONT ALWAYS CONVINCED ME YOUR NOT TO BE CAUTIOUS OF! AND YOUR A FATHER, BROTHER, GUY THAT HAS EVER WITNESS YOUR LOVE ONES BEING ABUSED, BEAT UP AND TALKED DOWN TO AND YOU WENT TO THERE RESCUE THEN I KNOW YOU CAN ATLEAST RELATE WHAT LIFE HAS BEEN LIKE FOR ME AND I HAVE NO FAMILY MEMBERS TO PROTECT AND OR TO WHOM I COULD CRY TO!

SO I JUST WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW IM AM STILL AROUND, BUT IM BEING A LITTLE MORE PRIVATE AND MORE AGGRESSIVE ABOUT GETTING HELP THROUGH COUNSELING AND MEDICATIONS TO HELP ME FEEL BETTER AGAIN!

I GOTTA RIGHT? I MUST TAKE CARE OF MYSELF CAUSE NOONE ELSE IS GONNA DO IT FOR ME RIGHT!

SO I SHUT DOWN MY PUBLIC #SAXXXJUST4U TWITTER AND FACEBOOK FOR A MOMENT CAUSE ITS VERY DEPRESSING TO ME!

EVEN WHEN PEOPLE MEANING WELL TELL ME TO JUST STAY AND THINK POSITIVE, IF IT WAS ONLY THAT EASY TO OVERCOME THESE ILLNESS! ITS NOT!

BUT BELIEVE I WILL NEVER GIVE UP TRYING TO REMAIN ALIVE AND DEALING!

IM IN A BATTLE FOR MY LIFE AND AS I STRUGGLE AND FIGHT AGAINST THESE ISSUES I PRAY FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND SUPPORT OF JUST BEING KIND PLEASE, THATS ALL I REALLY WANT, THAT YOU GUYS GET, THAT SAXXX IS ALMOST 50URS OLD I HAVE BEEN PUT HERE IN THIS WORLD ENDURING TRAUMAS SOME OF YOU WOULD NEVER IMAGINE AND YET I HAVE DONE MY BEST TO BE HAPPY AND JUST STAY ALIVE!

I THANK YOU SO MUCH #SAXXXNATION. AND ALL MY ADPRING COOL ASS GUYS!💋