The Madness In My Closet!
(and for the Insiders that are just being nosiey and always have something bad to say about me, FUCK you cause this is about me and those who really do care for me) It's My Blog, My life! and My True Fans Wanna Know...
People I have so many freakin Clothes and Shoes, and shit in storage from Florida to DC to the NYC and New Jersey. I love it all like the picture here is just a small view of it all, I have stuff from over twenty years ago and what's so funny about it is it's hard for me to let go of a lot of it because it all comes right back around, fashion it is.
Some how this is just how life works also, damit the baggage some of us carry around. I have so many things to deal with as do others, but some are better at discarding things then others. Yes people the baggage I have, is not for the faint at heart! This is why I stay to my self, I have to much of my own shit I'm trying to deal with and clean out then to be trying to take on anyone else's shit! Lol! A lot of you have seen my rants and post on facebook and a few of you that usto know me personally has had a short glance at it. But you get to leave and I have to stay and deal with it all. So for sometime now and I mean years, I have been learning to deal day to day with the madness that I have stored away and stuffed into closets or wherever trying not to deal with it right then.
But funny how things work, you know how every body like to quote all these saying especially bibical ones... like "God will not give more then you can handle" Well I totally disagree because this world is not the world God wants for us, this bullshit here is being over runned by the Devil and his legions and I have gotten so much more stress then I feel I should have in life. Life show ain't fare and so I had to make great leaps and struggle harder then most at being sane. OMG! I don't even want to speak on all the baggage, but finally this summer I broke down and started getting rid of it all. The Baggage that is, Not My Clothes LOL! I told Peps that lean on me, and think that I can or should do for and always be there for them, old friends,Co workers Girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands and even family members, I loved them but I can no longer carry them and myself to. My mind, body and soul the parts of it that I hadn't lost already can not take the strain of it all anymore.
So I been staying to myself, I Have really bad (Trust issues I don't Trust Anyone) soul searching, cut off my phones, not answering emails, did away with face book profiles, even stop uploading pic/vids and blogs. I stopped going out, travel, all activities that meant I had to socialize with others. That's just how freakin tired, burned out, overwhelmed, I had begun to feel. I had for a long time felt that, oh aw if I just keep pushing on and just ignoring these feeling they would just go away, that it is all just a part of life. That I needed to be tough, and let all of it just roll off my back, to when I got knocked down for me to just get back up dust myself off and try harder. Really because I know people don't really give a fuck about me, so I had to work hard at things. But I got so, until I had to acknowledge to myself and even other very close to me, because I know if they don't give a fuck if they run me into the ground, then damit I better or else I'm going to Fucking KILL Myself (My Heart Can't Take It) with all this I'm trying so hard to hold on to and carry for myself and others. (SMH)
Crying and in the fetal position on my bed I cried out, Help me God! I can't keep this up, people expected so much of me, not to mention even myself included. I expect myself to be, tough and hardcore, and able to deal with all the shit that comes my way, either from inside me and/or others sending my way. I want to be all that I can be, I want success, friends, family, online and in life, personal or otherwise! So why do I feel so bad, I have been there for everyone, and I have given my all to everyone that has come to me and or what little I had. I have given with a smile on my face. Give me now the strength to do what is needed for all, because I can't keep this up I am overwhelmed and may just do more harm if I don't figure out how to just let it all go. And so now That is what I have done and been doing for weeks now, and even though my shit isn't no where near being cleaned all the way out. The little gleaning I have done and sticking to has help in me getting better.( And talking with Jesus the only one that has been here for me always, unconditionally even though I am who I am and do what I do to survive) At not stuffing the bullshit away, at dealing with it right then and there so I can feel a little
Relieved, Refreshed and RENEWED!
PS. My Storage and Closets are still a bit of a mess, but thats all good stuff in there...LMFAO!
